After a few bottles of cheap vodka to ease the pain and being in a drunken stupor for 3 days, the clouds finally parted and I seen the light.
Why? Why was I so upset? Why do I even care? I used to not care. Somewhere along the line I started caring about The Tuskers but sadly it was not meant to be. Although joining them was a long time goal, maybe I set the wrong thing to work for. Maybe I was a fool from the start, expecting too much. In that regard, I did in fact get less than I expected from the corp, but got more back in friendship. Or did I? Were they just pretending to care to lead me on? Who knows. Many questions will remain unanswered.
Instead of worrying about it, I attempted to join Genos Occidere. They have a very similar mindset as myself. However my application was shot down very quickly. Apparently being part of The Tuskers is a bad thing, same with being in Majesta Empire. Thankfully I have a contact in corp that helped me a little bit. So after AT is over, I may have a chance to join, assuming I don't die in a fire during roams with them. Trust me, when your name starts with an "A" its hard not to get primaried straight away.
So my attitude has regressed into what it was before The Tuskers. I feel that its a good thing. I get to be me and laugh when shit happens, not whine about it because I can't afford replacement ships.
I still miss the Tusker guys. But I have to move on and figure it out for myself. Dwelling on my mistakes does not make me a better person, nor does it help me in any way.
ed: Ok so let me go ahead and clarify. I am not attacking my previous corp in any way. This is a post reflecting on the past and coming to terms and moving on. If you are offended by any of this, its quite possible you just need to lighten up a bit. Asking personal questions to find answers shouldn't be offensive. The questions I asked myself can in no way be considered an attack on anybody but myself.
So one more time just to be perfectly clear to everybody who reads this blog: I have nothing but respect for the tuskers as a pirate corporation. Fun times were had and many died in the process.